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Understanding developmental stages is essential to good parenting. Children have different timetables for their development. Although each child has his or her own individual growth timetable, all children go through stages.

Here are checklists of traits of the different stages. Looking them over will give you a sneak preview of what is to come if your child is still a baby; if your child is older, it should help give you some idea of normal development. Remember, though, that children do have many individual differences in the way they develop.

Children around the age of one year grow and change so rapidly that it is somewhat difficult to describe them. But by the first birthday, most children:

Identify and react to the emotions of others

Play games like pattycake and peekaboo

Sit up without support

Say mama and dada; imitate sounds

Recognize their own name

Wave bye-bye

Crawl, may walk

Have no sense of caution

Pull themselves up to standing position

Feed themselves small pieces of food or crackers

Show interest in other children

While two-year-olds are at one of the very cutest stages, they can be a real trial to live with. This is the age of transition between infancy and childhood. Twos are struggling to be independent, yet they are still very dependent. They may appear to understand things that they really don't, thus seeming defiant. There is no good or bad two-year-old. They are "good" when they happen to feel like doing what we want them to do and "bad" when they don't.

Parents must learn to maneuver skillfully around children this age. The trick is to get them to want to do what we want. When they balk at doing something, try to turn into a game.

General traits of two-year-olds are:

Assert independence

Demand attention

Favorite word is "No!"

Prone to tantrums, hitting, and biting

Easily distracted

Self-centered and possessive

Still do not really play with other children for long periods

Need help dressing and undressing

Affectionate

May develop fears

Walk well, constantly on the go

Can jump

Can throw a ball

Appetite may fall off sharply

Learn many new words

Adorable, although for some this may be only when they are asleep

Children are learning to do more things for themselves. This helps them feel independent. Children want to please their parents, particularly from around age three and a half through puberty. It is critical that they be able to please you. If you are too difficult to please, they give up and become rebellious or withdrawn.

General traits of three-year-olds are:

Still say no a lot, but are becoming a bit more cooperative (Some children, however, hit their most obstinate stage at three or three and a half.)

Favorite word now is "Why?"

Attention span is increasing

Begin to play with other children

Active imagination; may enjoy imaginary playmate

Can repeat short nursery rhymes and understand simple stories

Speak in short sentences

Learning to share and wait for their turn

Imitate others

Want to please parents if relationship is good

Very active; large motor skills developing rapidly

Small motor skills (such as using a pencil or crayons) begin to improve

Can build a tower of blocks

Getting neater at mealtime, but still lots of spills

Need help in dressing

Can wash and dry hands and face

May develop a slight stutter

In general, four-year-olds are easier to manage than are twos and threes unless you have become locked into a power struggle. Although many fours will not use the defiant "NO" to every directive, they will often find other ways to resist parental authority. Dawdling and "deafness" are simply passive ways to assert their independence.

General traits of four-year-olds are:

Quite verbal; able to express themselves in words, complete sentences, and conversations

Ask constant questions

Attention span is longer than at age three

Still very imaginative

Recognize colors (Caution: Some children are color-blind.)

Can match sizes, shapes, and colors

Play well with other children

Boss and criticize others

May be afraid of the dark, thunder, animals, etc.

Enjoy dramatic play-puppets, dolls, dress-up, cars, etc.

Learning right from left

Love physical activity

Can go up and down a short ladder

Throw balls overhand

Balance is good

Can dress alone, manage buttons and shoelaces, and may be able to zip and snap

Able to cut with scissors

Begin to form letters, sometimes backwards

General traits of five-year-olds are:

Can speak clearly

Memory improving

Attention span longer than at age four

Generally cooperative and reliable

Want to help

Count well

Can learn own phone number and address

Play cooperatively with friends

Want to fit in and feel accepted

Very curious

Gaining in self-control

Sensitivity to others is increasing

Still have fears

Can print own name

Can retell stories and make up stories

Have good balance and physical coordination

Able to work with tools (learn to use hammer, garden tools, etc.)

Beginning to tie shoelaces

REMEMBER: These are just guidelines. Children develop at their own pace. If you are concerned that your child is having problems, you should talk to your pediatrician or contact your local school district. There is nothing to be ashamed of if a child helps special help in order to progress at his or her own best rate.